I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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