Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
