Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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