my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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