So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
