Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
