Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
