I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
