Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
