if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
