when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
