Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
