i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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