Can i not drive my cunt home
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
