Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
