haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize