You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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