Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
