I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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