Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
