And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
