My first STD was from a foam party
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
