So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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