friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
