She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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