There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
