i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
