Heybabeimwearingurpanties
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
my liver is dry heaving
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
