Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
