It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
