I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
