her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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