guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
