I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
