I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
