Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
