Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
