I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
