census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Oh god it's open bar.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
