Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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