he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
