i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
