I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
