Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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