Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just saw a hot homeless man
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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