Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
