Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
