I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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