planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
