some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
