You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
