I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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