Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i think i have two assholes
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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