I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
