When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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