You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
