So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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