ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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