Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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