Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
