Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
