Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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