It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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