I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
