If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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