i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Your penis caused this!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
