I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
