Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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