So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
