If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
