I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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