a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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